Overcoming Fear Archives

The #1 secret to going after a goal that scares you

by Sagesse | Sep 16, 2021 | Goal Setting, Mindset, Overcoming Fear

If you’re anything like me, then I’m willing to bet you have a head full of dreams, a heart full of ambition, and a journal full of goals.

And if you’re anything like me, I’m also willing to bet you have a goal or two on that list that is SO big that it actually scares you.

Why is it that our biggest goals are the ones that scare us the most? And more importantly, how can we overcome this fear?

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Do you remember when you were a child and people used to ask you, “what do you want to be when you grow up”? And do you remember always telling them with confidence EXACTLY what you wanted to be – no matter how big and ambitious that “something” may have been?

The beautiful thing about being a child is that the world was a blank canvas through our eyes – ready for us to finger-paint anything and everything our imaginations could dream up. We never for a second doubted that we could accomplish what we wanted.

As we get older, however, this childlike optimism slowly begins fading away. Instead of looking upon our dreams with confidence, we begin looking at them with hesitation, apprehension, and fear.

This is because as we get older, we start focusing our attention on all the things we have to do to actually reach our dreams.

This, of course, does nothing but overwhelm us.

So instead of going after our biggest dreams and grandest goals, we put them off. We make excuses. We never actually act upon them.

If this sounds familiar to you, don’t worry – you’re not alone. Many of us struggle to go after our biggest, scariest goals in life.

However, there is a way to get past this fear, and there is a way to start going after your big, scary goals NOW (in a way that would make your childhood self proud!).

And in this blog post, I’m going to show you exactly how.

First, let’s look at where we tend to go wrong:

Overthinking and under-doing

The more you think about what you need to do to reach your goal, the more complicated it seems to get.

This is because overthinking leads to a vicious cycle of doubt, fear, and uncertainty. We stand at the cliff’s edge looking out into a big, wide ocean and we think, “how on earth am I going to swim that whole thing? Where do I even begin?!”

We then start creating problems in our head that we haven’t even experienced yet, or that may not even be there.

Before I began going after my dream of starting my own business, I was getting caught up in this very cycle. I couldn’t stop stressing about all the ‘obstacles’ that were in front of me (that is, the obstacles I thought were in front of me).

The more I thought, the scarier it seemed.

My adult brain kept sounding the alarm bells – trying to convince me that it’s all too much, it’s all too difficult. Trying to convince me that I just can’t do it.

The thing is, all the problems I was thinking about were just in my head. I hadn’t even expereinced any of them yet!

Because of my fear, there were many times when I was ready to give up before even trying. I would have given up, too, if it wasn’t for discovering this one secret that was about to change my life.

The secret to achieving your biggest goals in life:

Less goals, more habits

If you want to get serious about your biggest goals in life, then you need to stop thinking about them as goals.

What do I mean by this? Well, when we think about ‘goals’, we tend to think of them as final destinations – the end result of something. While this can definitely be useful in some contexts, when it comes to our BIGGEST goals in life, it’s not so helpful.

This is because for our biggest goals, the final destination is something SO big and SO far away, it seems nearly impossible to get to from where we’re standing.

And THIS is what scares us. THIS is what leads to all the overthinking.

So instead of thinking about your biggest ‘goals’ in terms of an end result, you need to think about them as the gradual accumulation of good habits over time. This changes the focus from something elusive and out of reach to something that is completely accessible – right now.

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Goals lie in the future, habits are in the NOW

The great thing about habits is that they encourage doing rather than just thinking. They’re about action and effort instead of planning action and effort.

When we start working on incorporating daily habits into our life, we suddenly don’t have time to worry about how to get to the end result…

We’re too busy just getting there!

The more time we spend practicing these habits, the more they become incorporated into our daily routine. And it’s this steady, every-growing accumulation of good habits that’s what’s going to lead us to accomplishing our grandest goals in life.

Keep in mind that it certainly won’t happen overnight, and it may not even be super obvious when we ‘finally get there’. You’re not going to look at your calendar and say, “Ah! Tomorrow is the day that I finally achieve my biggest goal in life!”.

Instead, it will slowly and quietly unfold behind the scenes. It will blossom and bloom on the sidelines. It won’t make a loud noise, and it won’t cause a commotion. We may not even fully notice it until we really take a minute to stop and think.

Only then will we realize just how far our habits have carried us.

Only then will we realize that we’ve truly achieved our biggest goal in life.

So to anyone who’s standing at cliff’s edge wondering how to make that first jump and how to get to the finish point, it’s time to stop wondering, and it’s time to start doing.

It’s time to focus on your habits!

10 Tips for Motivation When you Feel Totally Lost

by Sagesse | Nov 16, 2018 | Mindset, Overcoming Fear, Personal Development

How would you find your way if you were totally lost in a forest? If you were smart you would maybe have brought a compass (or google maps, you’re not a caveperson!) So what do you do if you forgot your compass and your phone is totally dead?

Well, you have to listen to your own internal compass.

I’ll be honest with you right now, but I don’t think that is actually great advice if you literally are lost in a forest, but I’m trying to do the whole analogy thing and paint a picture for you, okay?!

Well I’ll stop being all whimsical and get to the point.

Sometimes, when we are totally lost in our lives and we don’t know what advice we should take and which direction we should choose, we really need to take a deeper look inwards. We need to take a look at our feelings and figure out what we really want and start listening to that.

This may seem a bit obvious, but a lot of the time, we are moving on autopilot and just going through the motions of life instead of actually doing what feels right to us. Then one day we realize that we are not where we want to be at all, which can cause stress, disappointment, depression, and the feeling of being completely lost.

So, let’s take a look at how you can start looking inward to find motivation and direction when you feel totally lost.

First, you will need to do some serious self-reflection. Then, once you have figured out what you want, start taking action.

So let’s start with Self Reflection

Something that might help with this would be to write some of these things down in a journal. Some of the questions can make good journal prompts to get you going.

Step 1 – Figure out what is going wrong.

Ask yourself what is going wrong in your life right now. Why do you feel lost? Is there something missing in your life? What might you have too much of in your life (maybe you have too many stressors)?

Step 2 – Figure out what is going right

Maybe not everything in your life is so bad. There could be some good things too!

It’s important to reflect and see what you are enjoying in your life so that you can start doing more of it and enjoying yourself more.

You can ask yourself some of the following questions:

What has made you laugh recently?

What has made you feel energized?

Who makes you feel good when you are with them?

Tip: Try to do this at the end of each day for a week or so to get a good feel for what might consistently be bringing you a bit of joy.

Step 3 – Imagine Your Ideal Life

When you are feeling lost, a good idea is to remind yourself of what you ultimately want in life. This can help you to inspire you and give you some motivation!

Ask yourself how you want to feel, what you want your career to be, who you want to be surrounded by, etc.

Step 4 – What things are standing in the way of this ideal life?

Are there people standing in your way?

Are there things that you are doing that could be self-sabotaging? Is your career standing in your way?

Is anxiety standing in your way?

There could be many factors, so it’s important to spend some time on this and really assess what is going on.

Step 5 – Remove (or reduce) the negative pressures in your life

This is something that was a major cause of my anxiety for a long time and when I finally answered this question, my entire world changed.

I had spent so long trying to fit this life plan: go to school, get your degree, settle down with someone, work until you’re 65, then be too old to enjoy your time off. And I thought was the “right” way to live life and that it was basically the only option.

This was a combination of social pressure and pressure that I had put on myself.

But, once I started asking myself what I really wanted from life and realized that this expectation of me to live my life a certain way didn’t matter, everything started to change, and I essentially found my direction again.

So are there certain things that you think you have to be doing or things that people in your life are telling you that you should do?

If so, you need to start re-evaluating them to see if you actually need to live your life this way.

Taking action

Once you have reflected on your current state, it is time to make a plan and take action so you can find your direction and follow it!

Step 6 – Find Your Top 3 Action Steps

Write down some steps that you could take to get what you want.

Reflect on the ideal life you thought about in the first section.

Write down 3-5 steps that you could take to reach that life that you want.

Step 7 – Break tasks from above into smaller task

Basically, you want to be able to have a set of easily actionable tasks that can get you to where you want.

To get to your dream life, this is going to be a huge list. But to arrive at a point where you feel how you want to feel, this list can be a lot shorter.

I’m definitely going to sound cliché here, but you want to enjoy the journey as much as the destination (ugh, ya I know I’m cheesy, but it’s true!), so you want to make sure that you feel great even while you are trying to create your dream life (or at least while you are finding your direction).

Step 8 – Create daily tasks

You can break the tasks you identified in step 7 into even smaller, daily tasks.

The best way to find motivation and get your life back on track is to start doing small things every day. It’s the small things that create BIG CHANGE.

Step 9 – Do one of these steps!

If you just start and make a bit of progress in the right direction, no matter how small, it is still progress. You will feel so much better and you will definitely feel less lost.

Step 10 – Make a plan to work towards your goals/that feeling that you want

Even if you are super busy, you can still spare 5-20 mins per day working towards that life that you want.

So take all of those little steps from step 8 and put them into a calendar – and start getting them done!

Once you have a plan, it will start making things real and you feel like you are back on track with your life again.

That’s what happened with me – I was so lost when I got out of school. I had no idea what I wanted, but I just took a few steps in the right direction by figuring out what I really wanted and it was seriously amazing! And from that point, it took me about 2 years to really start living my ideal life, but I still had a plan and hope, so the journey was honestly not too bad getting there.

Actually, I read this book: The Desire Map by Danielle Laporte and it really helped me find my direction again and get me back on track. She has a great style of writing and she’s very funny and real. It also comes with a workbook to help you dig down into what you really want.

So if you want some extra tips on how I started to make a plan to get my life back on track, you can check out my free Dream Life Goal Planner below! I

t comes with an awesome journaling exercise to figure out what you want (in more detail than this post) and then it gives you some serious concrete ways to start planning your goals and working towards an awesome life! I’m also working towards making a mindset training course – which is going to dive deeper into creating better habits that will keep your mental health on track as well as help you towards any goals that you have! You can sign up below!

How I found the courage to quit my job to travel the world

by Sagesse | Sep 27, 2018 | Goal Setting, Overcoming Fear, Personal Development

It’s the dream. Maybe not everyone’s dream, but for many people, quitting their jobs to go travel would be so amazing, yet most people don’t do it.

Why?

1. Fear of the unknown – nobody wants to quite their cosy day job that pays them well and almost guarantees them security for years to come.

2. Not enough money – kind of goes with the first point, but money can be a big roadblock for a lot of people.

Did I have these concerns when I quit to go travel?

Well, yes and no.

I mean, of course I had those concerns. It’s scary to quit your job and give up that “security” and money is always something to be concerned about.

How I made the decision: Risk vs. Reward

When I thought about all of the rewards and opportunities that could come from this, I basically had no other option.

When I pictured myself sitting at a desk for years to come, under such stress and not feeling that I was really doing myself – or the world, for that matter – any favours, I really couldn’t stomach it. My mind was made up, I had to get outta there!

Listening to my heart

I have always wanted to travel. Like really travel – going off on my own, staying in hostels, going on crazy adventures, but I never actually did it.

For years before I quit my job, I always put my desire to travel on the back burner because I either didn’t have enough money (or enough money that I wanted to spend on travel) or I was too busy with school or work.

I always thought that other things were so important. But at that point, I don’t even think that I fully knew myself, so how could I know what was important to me.

I started to realize that I needed to find myself before making any other important decisions in my life. And what better way than to go out traveling, exploring, having new experiences, and meeting new people with different perspectives to broaden my horizons!

My entire body and mind was filled with such an intense desire to just get out there and learn more about myself and the world. And just do some cool shit.

I think that if you really listen to yourself, you will start to realize what you really want. And then you have to go for it.

Dealing with the uncertainty of money

So yeah, I really wanted to travel, but then what was I supposed to do after going traveling? You can’t go traveling endlessly without some sort of income stream.

Well, that isn’t entirely true because there are actually lots of ways that you can travel while making some sort of income. But that’s a topic for another day.

What I did before I left my job was SAVE. I saved a lot of money. Thankfully I didn’t have that many expenses, but I also didn’t spend that much on frivolous things. I decided that freedom and travel were the most important things for me, so any time I was going to spend money – I reminded myself that that money could go towards travel instead!

And even if you don’t have a extremely well paying job, you can still start saving, little by little. You’d be surprised how much you save by just cutting down on some things, like going out partying so much, getting that new shirt, buying junk food, or your morning coffee from an expensive place.

But what about AFTER traveling?

I decided that after traveling for a few months, I would start working for myself. I am just at the very beginning of that right now, but I’m feeling very confident about it because I have a detailed plan.

And there is no guarantee that I will make money, but I’m a hard worker and I trust myself. I also know that if all else fails, I can go get a minimum wage job for a while until I get a “real” job. But that’s not going to happen, because I believe in myself!

Making a plan and believing in myself

Before I decided to quit, I did a lot of research on starting a business and making money as an entrepreneur.

In the end, I was very inspired to start working on things that I loved. But I had to weave through a lot of crap and negativity to get there.

People are always going to tell you not to do things.

You might even tell yourself not to do things.

This all comes from insecurities.

People will tell you that you can’t do something, because they are insecure and don’t believe that they could do it themselves. And in their minds, if they can’t, then neither can you.

You will tell yourself you can’t do something for the exact same reason.

But let me tell you something – you can do ANYTHING you want to! You just have to believe that you can do it and put the work in.

So if you get anything from this article, it should be to..

Trust yourself and don’t listen to the negativity!

Whatever your plan is, whether you want to quit your job to travel, you want to travel but have no money, you want to quit to travel but then get a job when you get back – you can do it!

All you have to do is believe in yourself, and do some research about how you are going to sustain the lifestyle that you want.

Now disclaimer: I am not saying that you should quit your job tomorrow and then just go travel with the hopes that you will come across some money. No. You need to research, and make sure that you will have a solid plan for having some source of income while you’re traveling, or when you get back.

This was not a willy nilly decision for me. It took months of research, budgeting, and planning to feel good about doing this.

BUT, you can’t wait until you feel fully comfortable about your decision because that will never happen. For anything good to happen in life, you need to take some risk and step outside of that enticing comfort zone!

So get comfortable being outside the comfort zone!

This is a bit of an oxymoron, and it’s also a bit cliché, but seriously, you need to get out of that comfort zone.

It’s a dangerous place to be. It’s where people fall into negative patterns and become complacent.

Anyone who has done anything great has stepped outside of their comfort zone.

Even if you do step outside of your comfort zone and totally get knocked down, all that will happen is that you learn from it and get stronger. That’s it.

Remember:

You are strong. Even if you get knocked down, you will get back up.

If you really believe in yourself and take all your hardships and failures as lessons, you shouldn’t be afraid of anything! If there is some sort of struggle after you go traveling and you can’t get a job right away or make money, you will pull through and you will learn from it.

All will be good (as long as you believe that it will be).

So I hope that my story and my tips have inspired you today! If you would like me to elaborate on any of the points I mentioned, please let me know and I gladly will! I would love to hear from you!

If you want to start building you dream life and maybe consider quitting your job or making time for more travel, you should check you my Dream Life Goal Planner! It has everything you need to inspire and jump start your process of creating a life that you truly love. It has journal prompts, goal mapping inspiration, and a SMART goals worksheet! You can sign up at the bottom of this page!

5 Secrets for Living the Life YOU Want to Live

by Sagesse | Sep 26, 2018 | Mindset, Overcoming Fear

The key to living the life you want is very simple. Be happy and do the things that make you happy.

For some, this can be an easy principle to live by. Those are the people out there that we are all jealous of. They know what they want and they go out and get it.

So why is it so hard for the rest of us to go out and live the life we want?

Well there are several reasons and they mainly include that we are constantly choosing the wrong things in life. And by the wrong things, I mean the things that will not ultimately contribute to our growth or happiness.

Other reasons include us not believe in ourselves or not believing that we are worthy of having the things we want.

So even though there are so many factors into why someone is being held back from the path that is the best for them (their “true path” if you wanna be more spiritual about it), but I have narrowed down the 5 main factors that we need to follow to steer ourselves in the right direction.

Abolishing our limiting beliefs and finding the courage to follow our dreams

This is a common thing on my blog, but it is extremely important.

Sometimes we are not even aware of how much our fears and beliefs are holding us back. We might be afraid to leave a job because we might not find anything else, we don’t think doing a certain career is possible, we are not confident in our abilities, or we are convinced that the world works a certain way and you can’t do anything to change that.

These are all extremely common beliefs/fears and they are very compelling, but they are all untrue.

The only real limitations you have are in your mind.

(And I know sometimes there are people with actual disabilities either physically or mentally, but even people with those types of problems still find a way to do what they love).

Once you realize that you can do anything you set your mind to, the world will completely open up to you.

Now, I’m going to write full blog blog post on overcoming your limiting beliefs, but for now, here are some quick tips to remember and start implementing this idea:

Think about the things you have always wanted to do and then identify the reasons why you haven’t done them
Once you have identified those reasons, see if there are one or two things that stand outNow think about these reasons and start dissecting them to see if you are just irrationally scared of this or if is a genuine limitation in your life.
Now, do some research on the thing that you want to do with the possible hurtles in mind, and find stories of people that have overcome them! It can be very inspiring and shows you that your dream is not as impossible as you think it is.

Keeping our goals in the forefront of our minds

It would be very difficult to try and find something if you didn’t have any idea what it looked like, wouldn’t it? The same sort of thing applies to our goals. If you don’t have a clear idea of them in your mind, then how do you know what steps to take to achieve them?

I have found that it is crucial to keep reminding yourself of your goals, so that everything you do will help to reach them – and so that you won’t get distracted by things that will set you back!

Here are a few tips on reminding yourself of your goals:

write them down somewhere that you can see them everyday
if you meditate or have some sort of morning ritual, think about them then
set reminders on your phone throughout the day (maybe at times when you know that you need them, such as when you usually watch tv, so that you can work on your goals instead of doing something unproductive)

Cut the crap

Cut all the crap that you don’t need in your life!

I’m talking clutter, bad food, toxic people, an unfulfilling job, and the list goes on!

And these things that I just mentioned are sort of the obvious things that you should cut out because they are clearly not good for you, but there are a lot of things that are disguised as good things, but they are still crap!!

There are so many things that we don’t need to be happy, it’s crazy! If you are spending money on tons of expensive clothes, but don’t have money to live life and do fun things, then what’s the point??

Or if you are going on social media constantly – ya it might be fun, but you are wasting so much time and you are constantly comparing yourself to the amazing lives that people seem to have! That can’t be good for you.

Once you figure out what you should be cutting from your life and actually cut it out, you will be amazed how much more freedom (mentally and financially) you will have to start doing things you actually love!

Here are few easy things you can do to start cutting crap from your life:

have an organization day: just get rid of stuff that is cluttered and you don’t need
delete the distracting apps on your phone (and try to have the mental will power to keep them off)
take a look and see if there are toxic people in your life, and see if there is any way to spend less time with them (or no time at all)

Treat yourself right (mind, body, spirit)

There is basically no way that you can live a great life, if you don’t take care of yourself!

This means all aspects of yourself: mind, body, and spirit!

You need to nourish yourself with good food, exercise, keep your thoughts positive, meditate, and do things that make your soul feel good! And if you do all of these things in this article, you will be doing right by your soul and you will end up feeling good!

This can be hard to do sometimes especially if you are really busy, but here are a few easy ways to sneak in some self care time:

Go for a walk. Even if it’s 5-10 mins, it will get you outside in the sun and fresh air! Plus, you will start building a habit and you can work your way up from there
Meditate! Or relax, or write in your journal – just something to calm your mind for a bit during your hectic day
Start choosing healthier foods that are lower in sugar and refined carbs (I’m soon going to write an article on foods that affect your mental well being)
Listen to inspiring podcasts, videos, etc. Keep your soul excited buy listening/watching/reading stuff that is inspiring to you! It will keep you happy and motivated.

Work hard and be consistent

Now nothing will happen if you don’t put in the work on a regular basis. And working hard doesn’t actually have to be painful if you are working towards something you love!

And if you do numbers 1-4, you will be in a much better mindset for putting in the work! Stay motivated, remember why you are doing these things, cut the crap to focus on what you want, and treat you mind and body right so that you have the energy to work hard!

Things all work synergistically together.

You should really try to work on all of these aspects or improve the areas that you are lacking in. You need to treat your body right and be healthy so that you have more energy to work hard. You need focus to make the work you do matter. You can’t have people or things bringing you down.

To top it all off, you need to have courage and truly believe in yourself.

You’ve got this!

If you would like some extra motivation and guidance to start living a life that you absolutely love, you should sign up to receive my free Dream Life Goal Planner. It has everything you need to inspire and jump start your process of creating a life that you truly love. It has journal prompts to discover your passion, goal mapping inspiration, and a SMART goals worksheet!

How to get in touch with the best version of yourself

by Sagesse | Sep 26, 2018 | Mindset, Overcoming Fear, Wellness

This post is for people who are feeling like they are not quite reaching their full potential or living life as their most true self. I have found that a lot of time in life, our minds get clouded by certain beliefs, fears, or thoughts about ourselves that prevent us from being who we truly are.

These beliefs, fears, and thoughts are definitely things that are a part of you, but they do not define you. You have your thoughts/beliefs/fears, but then you have this other part of your mind that is very aware of those thoughts and can actually distinguish that some of those thoughts/fears/etc are not actually true to who you are.

I think that part of your brain that is always “aware” is what you might describe as your soul, higher self, or true self.

I believe that these are great terms and I might use them interchangeably sometimes, but most of the time I will refer to it as your “true self”.

The reason I like to call it your true self is because I think this part of your brain reflects who you are to your very core. It knows your core values and it can understand your emotions.

It is the part that takes a step back from your immediate surroundings and feelings assess what’s really going on.

I think that also knows what you truly want in life.

You might have noticed that sometimes when you are trying to make a tough decision and you are analyzing it from every angle, and you feel almost completely torn over the idea, but there’s this one part of your brain that just knows what you really want.

Sometimes we just ignore that part of the brain because we think that logic should prevail or that there are so many expectations of us that we can’t do what we want.

I think that a lot of us are actually so out of touch with this true self, that we don’t even know how to listen to it anymore.

But if we actually learned how to listen to this part of ourselves, we would actually start doing more things that we love and that fulfill our souls, and we would be so much happier for it.

Everyone of you has had certain traumas and experiences in their lives that have shaped the person that you are today. They have caused certain fears and belief systems that are pretty engrained into who you are as a person. Now, these ways of thinking have started to block your true self and what you really want.

You need to start digging through all that garbage to find that true self. Once you do, your life will change and you can start working towards a life where you will be truly happy.

So how do we remove the garbage to connect (or reconnect) with our true selves?

Getting over our fears and traumas

I believe that one of the biggest reasons that we lose touch with our true selves comes down to fear. We all have fears, and usually pretty common ones: fears of disappointing others, fears of losing money, fear of losing love, and more like that.

These fears are all possibilities on some level, but none of those fears are life threatening and those things happen all the time and life moves on. You can’t let them hold you back because the chance of them happening is low – and if they do happen, you will be stronger for it.

Now getting over fears is no easy task and very difficult to get into in this post, but you can check out my more in depth article about how I overcame my fears here.

Getting over your limiting beliefs

Similar to overcoming fears, you also probably have some beliefs that are holding you back as well. Such as “Most people don’t succeed doing what I want to do”, “I could never accomplish this goal”, “that’s just not how things are done”. FRIG THAT!

Stop worrying and stop being afraid about what others think and what is traditionally done in society. You can do whatever you want to do and whatever you put your mind to.

The only reason we have any progress in this world is because of people who didn’t listen to these negative thoughts and decided to just believe in themselves and make things happen.

Now how can we even know who our true self is if we are so clouded by these fears and limiting beliefs?

Well, what I think that we just have to imagine our idea of the absolute best version of ourselves. I think that who we truly want to be is who we actually are, we just haven’t got there yet.

But this doesn’t mean that you should want to be something else or someone you’re not, but you want to think about the enhanced/best version of you.

For example:

Let’s say that you are a shy person because you are afraid of embarrassing yourself.

You wish you were more outgoing like other people you see that are cracking jokes and making people laugh. You really love talking to people but you aren’t really crazy outgoing even around you’re close friends.

Your true self (or one aspect of your true self) would be someone who is friendly and confident talking to new people.

What your true self would not be is that crazy outgoing person always cracking jokes. Because that’s just really not your personality – even without the shyness and holding back.

Even though it would be nice to be that person, it is not in line with who you really are.

The best course of action would be to overcome that fear of socialization to be yourself in front of other people and not try to overcompensate by becoming somebody that you’re not. Make sense?

The goal is not to be fake, the goal is to be you, but without all the fears and garbage holding you back.

It can be difficult to actually imagine who this “true self” is, if you haven’t been in touch with it in a while.

Here are some questions to ask yourself that can help you with this:

What is your personality like around your closest friends?
What is your personality like when you are alone or uninhibited?
What would your dream job/dream life be?
What inspires you?
Where would you live if you could live anywhere?
What are your true friends like? or if you haven’t found your true friends, what would they be like? (Our friends are a reflection of ourselves, so this can be a helpful question)
What is your partner/ideal partner like?
What is your biggest goal? (or goals)
What are you like when you are at your best/feeling very inspired/feeling free and uninhibited?
What would you be doing if you had nothing holding you back?

If you answer these questions, you will have a much better idea of who you are. You should also start to realize the holdbacks that you need to overcome to get there.

Part of my goal with this blog is to help you figure out those hurtles that are preventing you from aligning with your true self and reaching your goals.

Stay tuned for some more articles and exercises for you to start overcoming those things standing in your way and then finding ways to enhance your life further and make it even more awesome!

If you want some extra help reaching your personal or professional goals, you should check out my Free Dream Life Goal Planner. It will help you to understand what you want in life and it will walk you through the steps you will need to take to get there! I’m also coming out with a free mindset training too, which will dive into your fears and bad habits that are holding you back from your true potential in life. I’ll be sending giving the option to sign up to everyone who signs up for the Dream Life Planner (once I finally finish making the course!).

5 Rules to Start Gaining More Confidence

by Sagesse | Sep 26, 2018 | Mindset, Overcoming Fear

What makes people confident? It seems so natural to some people but I don’t think all people were born with confidence, I think it’s actually something that you develop.

I believe that confidence is something that is so important to our daily lives and our happiness, that it is something that we must be mindful of every day and continuously work on.

To build my own confidence, I have found that it has been an ongoing process that I have to work at.

You don’t just become confident one day and then stay that way forever, you have to work at it. It took a while to get to a point where I am very confident in myself, but I think that it could have been fast tracked if I had accepted and worked at certain aspects of confidence building a bit sooner.

I have found that there are 5 key rules that you should continuously remind yourself of, in order to reach and maintain a level of confidence that will make you feel happy and also bring benefits into all areas of your life.

The 5 rules are:

Learn that nobody is perfect.
Look at all of your mistakes as lessons.
Push yourself everyday.
Overcome your fears and limiting beliefs.
Believe in yourself.

Learning that nobody is perfect (including you!)

It is very well known that nobody is perfect.

Even people that you think are perfect are not perfect.

But in our society, we are so conditioned to be perfect. In every movie we see or show we watch there are people that just seem to be perfect, or the people who are not perfect or looked up on as being lesser than the perfect people.

At school or work, you have to do everything right or else you’ll get a bad grade or you’ll get in trouble or you’ll be worried that you might be fired.

Don’t even get me started on social media that is just a constant parade of seemingly perfect people.

We then compare ourselves to everyone and believe somehow that we are the only ones that are not perfect, but we forget that everyone has the same worries that you do and they are really only showing the world a small portion of themselves.

Even at school or your job, you have to remember – and I cannot stress this enough – that even the people demanding your perfection ARE NOT PERFECT.

We have to remind ourselves sometimes that everyone is vulnerable and that everyone has insecurities and can make mistakes.

We have to treat ourselves in kind and respectful way and remember that we are just humans and we really can’t be perfect all the time.

AND if you look at the most confident people (the ones who are truly confident – not the ones who just put on a big show) are well aware that they make mistakes, but they know that they are still doing to best they can.

This brings us to the next point:

Looking at all of your mistakes as lessons.

A lot of the time, our confidence takes a bit of a dip because we keep reminding ourselves of all of our faults and all of our mistakes.

We forget to remember that we’re actually all human and that mistakes are a natural part of our growth process.

For a long time, I would replay my mistakes over and over again in my head. Anytime I did something stupid or said something that was awkward or whatever it was, I would torment myself by replaying those moments in my head over and over. I had no chance at being confident with a negative loop like that running constantly in my head.

To try and stop that loop from running constantly, I would try to just tell myself to just stop thinking about it, which obviously didn’t help because I was still giving that thought attention.

What I had to do was re-frame the way I thought about those mistakes. Now anytime that I make a mistake, I immediately just ask myself “what can I learn from this?”

This question has completely re-directed my brain from thinking negatively and actually doing something constructive and positive.

So next time you make a mistake or do something silly or whatever it is, just ask yourself what you can learn from it and remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes. That will make you feel a lot better and hopefully get your mind out of the dwelling cycle that we are usually so used to.

Push yourself

So yes, you do need to give yourself a break and forgive yourself for your mistakes, but it is still extremely important to push yourself.

I strongly believe that we can always improve ourselves and we can always get better.

It doesn’t mean that we have to think that we are inferior if we if we can’t reach this level we are hoping for right away, but it is always important to keep striving for it and believing in yourself that you can reach it.

And when I say pushing yourself, I don’t mean too hard that you end up sacrificing your well-being or you’re happiness in a unhealthy way, but it’s always healthy to push your limits a little bit to keep reaching for better.

When you do push yourself in a healthy way, you will start noticing that you are more capable than you might have thought you were. And if you keep pushing yourself over time, you will start accomplishing more and then you will realize really just how capable you are.

Once you start to realize your capabilities and your true potential, you will naturally become more confident.

You need to overcome your fears and re-frame you’re limiting beliefs of yourself

I have talked a lot about limiting beliefs on this blog already because it is just so important!

IF you believe that you are not worthy, or not strong, or bad at something etc. then there is no way that you will be confident.

On the same note, if you are scared of people or coming out of your shell and being yourself, then you will also never create the space for yourself to grow and become the confident person that you want to be.

So basically, you need to stop getting in your own way with your thoughts and just start believing in yourself.

And you won’t always succeed even if you do believe in yourself, but you just need to remember that that is all part of the process.

If you remember step two, you just need to forgive yourself for your mistakes, learn from them, and move on. If you have the confidence (or you’re still developing it), then you can start to breeze past any small failures and realize that they are just speed bumps.

It all comes down to believing in yourself.

That brings us to our last rule…

Believing in yourself

Believing in yourself is by far the most important part of this.

And the base to believing in yourself is LOVING YOURSELF.

I cannot stress this enough, loving yourself is the key to being happy, confident, and having a truly great life.

Basically though, you need to start just accepting yourself for the flawed individual that you are. You need to laugh at the stupid things you do, send love to the broken parts of yourself, and praise all of the great parts of yourself!

Now it can be hard to really believe in yourself and love yourself if you cannot see your great qualities. They are there, believe me, but you might need some glasses (positivity glasses) to see them.

That’s why I will write another post soon with some journaling exercises to help you see all your amazing qualities and start building your confidence.

Remember: you are an amazing, unique individual and no body brings what you do to the world. You need to start reminding yourself of that.

If you are looking for a little extra confidence building tips and motivation, you should check out my 10 Day Mind, Body, Spirit Reboot. There are tons of confidence tips and a lot of focus on overcoming your fears! Plus it will help remind you of why you want to improve your confidence and how good it will feel when you get there!

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